Minor Bitching About Smash Bros.: Legend of Zelda Edition

When it comes to fans' thoughts about the treatment of Zelda in Smash, there's basically two camps: (a) Sakurai obviously feels that the series should only be represented by its most consistent and popular main characters, items or locales, OR (b) Sakurai really doesn't care for the Zelda games at all and wants us to suffer. Either way, when compared to other series of similar caliber, Zelda seems to be criminally under represented in Smash Bros. Sure, there are a handful of characters now, but 3 of them are different versions of Link and 2 are different versions of Zelda. There's quite a few Zelda items as well, but honestly only like 2 aren't complete trash. And the stages... yeah, those are nice. But a lot of them are just the same old veteran stages we've always had, and only 1 is based on a portable game and 0 are based on any game that predates Ocarina of Time, unless you want to count the super generic Temple stage.

What gives, Sakurai? Why don't you do ANY of the following...

Veteran Characters

• Link: I understand why Link didn't receive the "totally revamped Champion Link moveset, brah" that everybody expected, but he still feels a little lacking in the "I represent Breath of the Wild" now department. I think a lot of his changes were great, but a few more little touches would have been welcome. I'm thinking things like making more of his costumes the different outfits from Breath of the Wild, including ones that represent other versions of Link, or giving him some RNG where his Boomerang might fly out as a Lizalfos Arm once in a while (like Mario's Super Jump Punch randomly giving out regional coins). Letting Link "overcharge" his Sword Spin for a much stronger one is something I've also always wanted, and I think that his grab could still have been a "tether" -- just using the Magnesis Rune instead. Also, being able to fire two arrows is awesome, but how come he can't fire the elemental arrows? It's not gamebreaking to let him shoot Bomb Arrows and Shock Arrows now, is it? 
• Young Link: Young Link is "stuck" representing the 64 era of games, which is fine by me. But how come he still doesn't really represent Majora's Mask? Unlike other people, I don't mind him not transforming. I want the little touches, once again. Give him a taunt where he puts on one of the masks or even make those some of his costumes. Let him use the Gilded Sword and Hero's Shield for some costumes instead of the Kokiri Sword and Deku Shield. Make him have the option to fire Light or Ice Arrows instead of just Fire Arrows, maybe with a flick of the c-stick. I also think his Final Smash was a HUGE wasted opportunity, but so does everyone else.
• Toon Link: It's clear to me that Toon Link not only represents the "toon" games, but also retro Zelda -- or so it seems from his costumes. I actually think his moveset is pretty okay and don't mind how he plays at all. However, I think his costumes and animations (again, little touches) could use some more attention to fan service. Like everyone, the "Conductor Link" and "Pajama Link" costumes are a must (and a crying shame they aren't in the game already). I personally think his little top hat/ringleader outfit from the New 3DS commercials would be cool too. Also, some more colors that nod to the older games: brown and red tunic for the Shield Magic from Zelda II, the classic green tunic with pink hair as a nod to Link to the Past, the missing Four Swords colors from Tetra's Trackers, the "Bear Minimum" or any of the other outfits from Triforce Heroes, etc. As far as animations, I always thought his pig victory animation and the "crazy sword swinging taunt" were too silly and felt misplaced. Maybe let him spin his sword and wink like he does in Wind Waker? Or have Toon Link ape Young Link and drink some of Grandma's Soup for a taunt.
• Zelda: I honestly think Zelda got everything she needed in Smash Ultimate. I really don't have any complaints here. Maybe just more alt costumes? Maybe something that actually references Breath of the Wild or Hyrule Warriors? Oh, and a Hilda costume. Yeah, that's my one complaint. Where the hell is a Hilda costume?
• Sheik: I never play Sheik and, truth be told, I'm surprised they lasted this far into the series. Not to get on my soapbox or anything, but people complain about characters like Geno being "irrelevant" when the only thing making Sheik relevant is that she keeps popping up in Smash Bros.... She only appeared in one game over 20 years ago, which is pretty much the same situation characters like Geno are in. Just saying... Anyway, no real changes here. 
• Ganondorf: Okay, so this is the big daddy. He got a lot of the changes I wanted to see in Ultimate: the Ocarina look returned, he got the sword, he feels faster... I just want him to be a little more... like a warlock. Not like how the Legacy XP mod revamped Ganon as "Dark Mage Ganon" and made him a separate character. I actually like that he's big and powerful and punches things really hard. But I do think there's at least a few tweaks that would make Ganon feel extra "Ganon." For one, I think Ganon should have a hover. Yup. Just like Peach, let that bastard float around after a jump or his Up Special recovery. Maybe not for as long, but he can do it in the games so why the hell not. Would it be broken? Probably. But it's cool as hell. I also think he needs to have at least one projectile. I would replace his fake Falcon Kick with this move, personally, and maybe just remap the kick to a different command or remove it entirely. His Down Special would then be his energy ball attack he's best known for, where he charges up a ball of yellow energy from where he stands (or hovers) and tosses it forward at the angle pressed. Other characters can hit the projectile back, however, with any attack -- giving it the "ping pong" gimmick it has in the actual games -- and each time it's struck it becomes faster. Using the move in midair would let Ganon hover and charge, and tapping down would allow him to "punch downward" and slam the energy into the ground for a "butt stomp" style attack (with shockwaves). Overcharging it would instantly turn it into the black hole attack from Ocarina, basically removing the ability to toss the projectile and instead creating a short-lasting black hole that pulls characters toward Ganon in a fashion similar to Sheik's grenade Side Special. Is this also not ridiculous? I don't know. But I just love the idea of Ganon being good in Smash Bros. Projectiles on heavies seem to help a lot, and it's not like Ganon will become OP once he can float around the stage. He's still a target, and landing that meteor spike of his isn't going to be that much easier when he can float over your head (but just enough to be so effing satisfying). Oh, and also: costume wise, I'd like to see Phantom Ganon(s) as options. Maybe the Twilight Princess Ganon as an alt too, but that's not as important as giving me the choice to play as Ganon wearing a goddamn skull on his face.

New Characters

• So this is where the Zelda series needs the most love. It has been THREE Smash Bros. games since we last saw a new character introduced. That is a travesty, especially when other series seem to keep adding characters left and right every Smash iteration. Instead of going into the dirty details of each character concept, I'm just going to list the characters, their likelihood, and why I think they'd be cool reps for the Zelda series.
• Impa: this is the only other "mainstay" character in the franchise and she could easily play as more than just a "Sheik Clone." I think she'd be pretty likely if she has another modern appearance in a mainline game where she isn't an old lady. Like most people, I'd especially love to see her in her Skyward Sword or Hyrule Warriors version... but we'll see.
• Skull Kid: A lot of people thought this character would be playable in Ultimate, and I have to admit while I didn't believe he was a lock I was disappointed he didn't make it in. He's a fun villain and a quirky as hell character who has a lot of cool moveset potential (the fairies as orbitars, setting up puppets as meatshields, dropping the moon....). His relevance is really what hurts him, but then again Majora's Mask has made a cameo or at least been referenced in literally every single Zelda and Smash game over the past decade that I can think of.
• Tingle: He absolutely has faded and may be nearing the realm of "obscurity" with modern players, but who knows. I thought he'd have a shot in a previous Smash title, but likely he won't make it in ever. Still, a neat idea for a joke fighter I suppose.
• Toon Zelda/Tetra: I think some sort of pure Wind Waker inspired version of Zelda (or Tetra) would be neat. Tetra has way more moveset potential and would be a much more unique fighter, but I could see the argument for just making a Toon Zelda "echo." Remember that Toon Zelda/Toon Sheik were cut characters from Brawl's development, according to datamining. They were probably super likely at one point.
• Midna: I have to include her. It's like a law at this point. She may be fading into irrelevance in the same way Tingle is, but she's got a massive fanbase (and Twilight Princess is still a pretty popular game). I know if they included her she'd be in her imp form and likely riding Wolf Link (or using some sort of "shadow wolf" in her attacks, like she does in Hyrule Warriors), but I'd personally prefer her appearing in her human-like Twili form as a disjointed puppet fighter using all of her Twilight Mirror attacks from Hyrule Warriors.
• Any of the Champions (but mostly Urbosa): Half of me expects a Champion as DLC for Ultimate, but they weren't even included in Hyrule Warriors Deluxe so who knows. This is a pretty self-explanatory category. And, yes, I love Urbosa the most of them all. She ticks so many boxes for "things are missing from Smash's roster" it's not even funny.
• Linkle: I love this character and it's a shame she will probably never appear again, despite Aunoma's promise he would try to use her in a future Zelda title. She's in the limbo of being technically 3rd party and she wasn't even a Spirit in Ultimate, so her status is unknown and questionable at best. Still, a moveset geared around her crossbows and dashing/kicking with the Pegasus Boots would make for a very fun, different kind of Zelda character in Smash.
• Lana/Cia: Similar situation to Linkle. I'd prefer Linkle over either of these two mage characters, but I know they have their fans. I think some sort of purely magic based moveset is still "missing" from Smash, since all the other magic users technically have non-magic moves. Either of these characters would fit that bill pretty well.

Items/Assists

• Zelda is kind of overcooked in this department, actually. They need to cutdown on the the number of items if you ask me. The Gust Bellows and Beetle can go straight to hell and should either be replaced with similar items from different series or removed (though I will admit both are pretty fun). The Cucco seems kind of "forced," but maybe that's just me? The Fairy Bottle also works kind of dumb and I feel like it should be a "buff" that you don't need to carry around, if that makes sense. As for new item ideas, I think the Magic Cape would be neat as a replacement for the old Cloaking Armor. Also the Cane of Somalia/Cane of Pacci might be neat as annoying items that build blocks and trip up foes. The Assists are fine, but they seem geared too heavily toward the modern, popular, console Zeldas. I think at least one "retro" Assist Trophy, portable Zelda character or a generic enemy would be welcome; ideas like Darknut, Hinox, Octorock, Vaati, the Windfish, an 8-bit Tektite swarm, etc. 

Stages

• I really, really want to see a Classic Hyrule stage in the vein of Classic Mushroom Kingdom. I don't know how it would work, but throwing 8-bit Zelda some love would be really cool.
• Golden Pyramid/Tower of Hera from Link to the Past would be cool as hell. Maybe give it a Light World/Dark World gimmick? You could also make this a Link Between Worlds stage...
• Skyloft should let us play on the different parts of the stage without having to travel there. Actually, all the traveling stages should do that. I mean, they let us play in those locales in single-player modes. Why not in multiplayer? Seems like a missed opportunity.

Music

• This series is actually pretty well represented across its history in the music department. My only gripes are just my personal tastes: I would like to hear "Ghirahim's Theme" on its own without being part of a medley; there's a disturbing lack of (once again) retro Zelda music (I mean, it's in there, but there's not a ton of variety); the Ganon battle music (or any of the boss music) from Link to the Past would be very welcomed; and Skull Kid's theme (or Majora's Wrath) would be welcome as well. Hyrule Warriors music is a gray area, but there were some cool tracks in those games as well. 

Miscellaneous

• This is where I just mention a few other things I would've appreciated seeing in the game. 
• The Oracle games and Minish Cap seriously get jack for representation. I know they were co-produced by Capcom, but is Nintendo seriously that bitter about not being the "sole producers" of those games? What's up with that?
• I think it would be hilarious if the CD-i games, Game & Watch games, the Japanese Link to the Past rap, or the '80s cartoon series got nods somewhere in the game. There's a lot of dumb crap Zelda has been attached to and it should be appreciated too.

Overall, Zelda would get a B- from me for representation in Smash Ultimate. It's certainly represented and treated with the respect fans say it deserves, but there's a lot of things that it could be in Smash Bros. as well. It definitely should be on par with its other "million seller" buddies like Mario, DK, and Pokemon, I think, but unfortunately it's treated like a B-tier franchise (which sometimes get more content, actually, considering Fire Emblem...). Unfortunately, I don't think a lot of these issues will ever be redeemed. Most people recognize Zelda just for the "big games," and while it's a legacy IP it's not one that consistently gets rehashed or revisited in the exact same way that Pokemon and Mario do. Nostalgia for Zelda, oddly enough, is just not as strong as it is for some other franchises. And I think, in the grand scheme, Smash Bros. is a reflection of that. 

Or maybe Sakurai just fucking hates Zelda for some reason, who knows.